Random Rant #3

I’m going to switch gears here for this rant as I am quite tired of ranting about the bathroom and my folks are starting to question their parenting skills as I seem to have some sort of unhealthy obsession with the lou. So, I’m driving to work this morning in downtown Denver traffic, which by the way is pretty annoying and a rant in itself, and I happen to notice the driver next to me in the act of picking her nose. I laughed a little internally as I usually do when I am fortunate enough to catch someone in the act of mining for gold in their vehicle, but this triggered a thought that eventually snowballed into this rant. Why do people feel so comfortable in their cars? If you are a passenger with someone else driving you are much more capable of observing all of the interesting behaviors in which people partake in their vehicular sanctuaries. These behaviors include but are not limited to: reading the newspaper on their steering wheel, brushing their hair and or putting on makeup, singing at the top of their lungs and making similar facial features that Bon Jovi probably would be making if he were singing, and of course picking their nose. The last in this list is probably the most shocking because it is something that is considered taboo by American standards. Common social law states that if you must engage in the removal of the accumulation of hardened mucus in the nostrils via your finger, you must do it in a private area where you are sure to not be found out by anyone, usually the bathroom. Why then do people feel comfortable enough to pick their noses in their car? I mean if you really think about it that car is one of the most visible and vulnerable places you spend your time. You are surrounded by glass and literally only feet away from a complete stranger in the car next to you. Yet somehow we feel as if no one is looking at us or that we are in some kind of privacy bubble impenetrable by anyone outside. This brings me to yet another mini rant.

Why do some people have such pride in their crappy cars? This may sound a bit hypocritical to those of you who know me and the fact that I do enjoy my 1968 mustang. But, in my defense, I only take pride in the fact that my dad and I built that car ourselves over a period of four years and it is something I can say I built with my two hands. When someone goes out and gets a two door Saturn, changes the air freshener, tilts their seat back to where they can barely see over the steering wheel, put on their foakley sunglasses and the latest one hit wonder rap artist, and then proceeds to accelerate into a line of cars stopped at a red light to show off their aggressive driving techniques, I tend to want to backhand that individual.

Anyway, back to the rant at hand. Why do we feel so comfortable in our cars? I mean if you think about it, we are traveling at an incredible speed, compared to what humans were meant to travel at, in what amounts to be a metal box! If anything, we should be quite uncomfortable in the fact that over 42,000 people died in 2003. Thank you Wikipedia. But, we somehow manage to forgo the fact that we are actually controlling a gasoline powered machine just long enough to dig and get that booger out of our nose all while innocent bystanders must be subjected to this display. And if that weren't enough, you then wipe it on your shirt, or do the awkward flick that usually takes a couple of good tries to dislodge it from your finger nail. As if once it has left our finger and we no longer have control of it, the booger will disintegrate and disappear into some magical booger nebulous and not just be stuck to the seat next to us or ground into the carpet. It’s not like we all haven’t been there, I myself have had to stop the same type of behavior with a cut fingernail or stray hair. Why do I think that the carpet is somehow a cure all for anything unwanted? If that logic stood true I should not be wasting it on fingernails, boogers, or loose hair follicles. Rather, I should be discarding soured milk, used candy wrappers, and possibly the occasional unwanted house guest. But of course that seems preposterous, but for some reason the dislodged booger gets a pass. This fact, even though I have experienced it for myself, still makes no sense to me. Perhaps there is some sort of nerve or button in each of out nasal cavities that momentarily disrupts all brain function and revert us back to a primeval state where such archaic behavior was acceptable. It is kind of hard to look smart with a finger up your nose, perhaps this is why. Well I am now trying to retrace my thought pattern back and connect the dots as to how I have arrived here today. I thinkthat this is all the energy I have today for this rant so I will leave on this note. People please, if you’re going to pick your nose in your car in the middle of rush hour traffic, be aware that you are being watched and don’t be surprised or insulted if someone you work with decides to not shake your hand later that day. That is all.